So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
