theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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