What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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