If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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