I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
