i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
