I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
