..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
