I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
