Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
