So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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