and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
