The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
