There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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