Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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