His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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