Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
