Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
