My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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