Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
