I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
