it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize