I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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