the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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