Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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