I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
