Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
