So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
