one might say we're banned from that church
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
