so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
