Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
