Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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