I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm always down for nudity.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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