our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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