Kiss
Puke
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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