I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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