ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
