Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
