if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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