hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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