He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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