i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
