sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
