Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
