he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
