If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
