Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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