Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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