I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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