Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
