maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
