Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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