is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
