That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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