Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
