I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
