So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
