called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
