Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
