somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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