Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
