Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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