Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
