Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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