i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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