yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
