Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
