How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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