When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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