worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
