So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
