So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
