Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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