I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize