Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
