I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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