If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
zippers are such a cool invention
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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