k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
