Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
