well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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