Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
