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• (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

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• (518): View more from New York

  just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

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• (310): View more from California

  the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

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• (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.

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• (415): View more from California

  I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo

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• (470): View more from Georgia

  Should I go bust a nut on the beach

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter

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• (305): View more from Florida

  We can have bacon on the roof while tanning

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That’s how my thanksgiving went

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