38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
