I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
