You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
