they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
