My cat gives me a boner
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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