Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
