nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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