I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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