Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
