i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize