i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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