I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
