Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
