The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
